These are really just numbers, right?

in continuation of the previous birthday post…

this is a rather pointless picture of me cutting the cake and serving it on bits of tissues. did i mention i didnt had the cake myself? not that i minded the calories saved from entering my body and never coming out, transforming into wobbly fats, but all i had was a teeny bit of chocolate slice decoration thing on top. still, i dont mind :)

i gave my classmates the rest of the cake, they returned me the board with signatures on it and i think they felt kinda guilty because they thought i asked it back for my other friends to sign. well i was, but i was really touched by the gesture so i was all, “nonononono, thank you!”

oh forgot about this one. we went to this restaurant in bpmall because it was my birthday the next day and we had this huge free milk-tea before the movie and we took a lot of silly pictures but i darent put it up because i think there’s enough pollution in this world.

instant brain freeze @.@

yeah so we watched to paris with love. a lot of us went, but not this many.

haha~

well it was a good movie. humorous, romantic, action-packed all rolled into one. i thought it moving, but my friend just laughed at me. ==

so anyway, back to my birthday. we went out at night to glutton square (hah, bet you all didnt know the right english name of the said “haikee”).

stuffed ourselves silly.

then we trotted off to the field. where we talked a bit and went home.

my birthday ended with me sitting in front of the computer typing a birthday message to someone else whose birthday was right after mine. well technically it wasnt the end, if you know what i mean. it’s sort of like a continuation. i will be eighteen for approximately 365 days and down the road, i will become older every year and eventually wish to be back living in The 365 days of being eighteen.

so i guess that’s my cue to start living life and have no regrets of the 365 days of being young, chic and sassy! :)

Leave 17 alone

it’s the midterms. and im very distracted. this is a very good outlet to vent. making up riddles and writing between the lines as i go. no one knows what i really mean, and they all end up reading with their heads tilt sideways at the end of the day.

stressed to the point i no longer care about food. im THIS stressed. im solemn, im shut in and im on the verge of buying that awesome biker jacket online. im trying to keep this light. recent events have put me back in my place where i see for myself, the priorities in life. but what are they actually? im torn. on one hand, it’s the dream we’re all living in: riches, kindness and reaching to our goal. on the other hand: walking on hot tar roads, hard work and sweat. both are reality. which one is mine?

it’s a mixture.

oh yeah my birthday.

on the third, vivian gave me this really beautiful t-shirt for my birthday. which, i wore on the day itself!

on the day before my birthday, after MSSJ, the swimmers and i went out and stuff, finally had dinner at this hawker place (everything ordered was unexpectedly my favorite dishes! porkchop tofu, steamed eggs, otar, fish, and veggies which i did not eat at all oops). then someone came up with the idea of buying a small cake at the bakery beside the place we were having dinner and celebrate in advance. so we finished our food and headed over.

i wanted to have the barbie one with jelly skirt but they laughed it off :(

the bakery was closing. we sat down, lighted the candle, they sang me a birthday song, i made a wish, blew out the candle and cut the cake.

even though i knew it from the start, even though it might have just been a coincidence of fun & timing, i was really very touched that the swimmers were doing this! <3

the last time was 2005 (if im not mistaken). i was super young (13), i was super tanned, short, thin, had sepet eyes and long curly hair tied into a tight ponytail, wearing my then-favorite red collared shirt and jeans. everyone was in town for the MSSM training. i forgot if it was really on my birthday, earlier or later, but the occasion was certainly for my thirteenth. so i asked everyone out to the then-coolest and only one hang-out place, summit parade, pizza hut on me, brought two hundred out and was left with twenty. wendy and i went off on our own and the boys themselves, i was kinda annoyed hanging out in a not-hanging out way, but after a while, wendy and i walked back to the entrance of the cinema where everyone was supposed to meet again for the movie (cant remember what it was). and from far i saw a couple of them there, and made our way towards them. and i can still remember how when we reached them, haojie & edmund walked out of the corner and everyone chorused happy birthday to me. in their arms, were snoopy & a big plush doggie! my jaw dropped. i scrambled to pick it up and say thank you. i cant remember where the snoopy is (because it’s too hard for nightly cuddles) but the big plushie has been cuddled every night :) though half of the time ben’s the one who’s cuddling it, i had to lend it to him.

anyway back to year 2010, it was a small party but a very fun & spontaneous one. it meant a lot to me :)

that night, i ran up and down and inside out the house frantically searching for my phone. where could it be?! then i called my friend and went, “omghiicantfindmyphoneithinkileftitinyourcarhaveyouseenitdiditringcanyoupleaaaaselookforit?” long story short, it was in his car all along and that night, my birthday past without any calls or messages in sight. it was all in kluang =.=

still. on my birthday itself, i went to school all happy and serene. of course you’re probably wondering if i expected anything but i really didnt. midterms was three days away and it would be gruesome to force my friends to celebrate my birthday with me. flashback, i spent my fourteenth mugging geography for midterms that year. anyway, so people wished me happy birthday, i warmly received them and sent back a thank you each and did my work. well actually i talked a lot but spending time on my work sounds nicer. :P

recess came. i strolled to their class feeling really sleepy thanks to the late nights. kaijing walked out (unusual sight) and asked me to accompany her outside in the sun because the morning was cold. i did, and i kinda chattered on and on about… something. a while later, xueyun and sisi came up from behind us and asked us what were we doing in the sun, photosynthesis? so we went back to their class and that was that. until when we were comfortably crowded around xueyun’s desk, she suddenly asked me for my chinese textbook. i was skeptical because my textbook was one of the printed errors with lots of pages missing (makes me wonder how eugene studied chinese in his sm3 year. if he studied at all, that is). but i went back to my class anyway for it.

i was trying to remember if i kept it in my bag or in my drawer, scanning the drawer for it, until i noticed that there’s an unidentified unfamiliar THING on my desk!

like, ZOMG!

a scream escaped from my lips and i was nearly in tears. i didnt know how to react, so i just raced back to them, jaw a-hanging, raced back to my class because i thought something had to be done with the cake. and the rest, is history.

yeah well, they actually made me do this. it was a miracle i survived being caked.

i like the last picture because i think i look very thin in it. *frivolous fool*

to be continued… im going to my friends’. we’re going to revise math. if you believe us :P

Oh it’s happening now, 18 is

im stealing some time out of my non-stop schedule of a student to write this.

i was talking to a friend today in school about the coolest & the shallowest thing that happened in my life during the week. im so ashamed of myself for actually wanting to be one of them who have something to talk about. and not just any something. i have no doubt this is just another phrase of my life that i seem to enjoy the attention of but it will slip away into the depths of past and join the other memories in their shadowy cave where it will never see the light of the day ever again.

it has been a busy week. as i am sitting here, my thoughts are a mess. so is my hair and my room. i am so tired, all i want is to have a good sleep. but there’s so much in my hands, things to do, things to remember, things to study for. if i were this 16 year old kid i was back then, i would have simply dropped everything without a moment’s notice and run away. running away is the only thing i was really good at. i just didnt care.

then i turned eighteen.

the day i turned eighteen, i knew that i can never ever afford running away from things i dislike doing or people i loathe communicating if i had to do it, had to talk to them again. i was fished out of this comfortable tank of sweet smelling garden with soft pillows and hot chocolate, into the busy, wet street of the world, with musky smelling taverns and dark dirty alleys. being eighteen also mean i have the responsibilities to not let down people who look up to me & regard me highly, not disappoint myself & my own bigass ego.

i started to pick up after myself. i knew how much responsibilities mean to one’s reputation. i saw by how just being happy, following your dreams and wanting to relive all those fairy-tales cannot happen in the 21st century. to survive, it’s necessary to walk along the lanes of reality, sweet-talk and hard work behind closed doors.

im really new at this. eighteen is so burdened, so stressed. im tired to the max, i cant sleep because the time spent on sleeping can be used to finishing so much more work. i cant stop and breathe, i cant do anything right when everything needs to be without a crease.

spm is coming out im suffocating, my mid-term exam is just around the corner, i have my own personal problems to mend and sew back. my back’s breaking and im trying to sit up right and glance over my notes just one more time before i sleep. and then one more time spreads into more and more of those and i dont sleep.

my friends told me i look like a drug addict with the heavy dark circles below my eyes, & the veins in them. one of them merely said, “sleep early, rest well, drink more water.” & that was when i felt like bursting into tears.

there you go, eighteen.

Seventeen going on eighteen

应该没有什么人读啦 但是我的电话不在我这里 如果你打给我 还是什么 我会明天回电~ 抱歉!(谢谢你们的心意~)

i had a really big day today, and in thirty minutes, i will turn eighteen. but im sure i wont feel any difference from the person i am now. maybe in time, years, i will grow up. but right now it’s taking its time growing so i dont have to wake up tomorrow and wonder, geez when did i know how to solve math problems.

these few days have been spent with the swimmers. i enjoyed every single second and moment being with them and im also glad my mum is glad i had fun with them. like, genuinely glad. i have pictures, i have videos, i have words getting ready to get out and describe all the fun we had, all the moments we shared. but there is nothing, nothing like the memories of ours etched in our heart & soul.

thank you guys for being so special and by just being there in my life. thanks for sharing this really special bond with me.

and imma be eighteen! thank you, every single person who has appeared in my life.

im really tired my brain isnt working anymore. i dont have my phone with me so there’s no reason to sit up and wait for birthday calls or messages. so i guess i’ll just… sleep.

goodnight! see you tomorrow older!

So…

as i promised, as i knew it. today was awesome too. well, not SO much because i really couldnt stand the heat and some unpleasant things happened thanks to the big people (ie adults) but overall, we had our fun, we made the best out of it and im glad.

i went to school as usual today because i had to *grumble* and all the while i could not wait to get school over and done with. it did, before i knew it, i was standing under the scorching sun of the town, in black top to toe (like always) and sweating my head off.

yeah so we did a lot of things not worth mentioning, it was ah-lot of fun. we try to make it be. i also earned the nickname of “patricia edison” (thomas edison invented the lightbulb, get it?). simply because i was sitting there when huang & vivian had their hands all over each other. not quite literally of course. yeah, vivian came and we spent most of our time hiding in the air-con bathroom talking about anything that came to mind. well, it was a tad bit awkward, but we were cool. oh yeah, she gave me this lovely present from herself & huang.

what a dear! im not going to let you in on what it is, but you’ll definitely see it on my blog this friday! :)

i’ve been hanging out a lot with the guys these days. hanging out with them used to equal to lots of awkwardness, restrictions, weird feelings and there was all the unfriendliness/shyness whatever it is in the air. but i supposed we’ve grown up and we dont look at each other as opposite sexes but rather adik-beradik. it’s what all those going to competitions together, living together, cheering together and getting scold together all these yearssss that has really brought us together in this sense that our hearts & minds are synchronized to this extend that we are no longer just friends, but brothers (or sisters with jongshin, sarah, megan and i hahaha). and that’s another thing i love about. i dont have to act. i can be as tom-boy as i want, cross my arms and scratch my legs and they dont really care, as long as i dont put my fingers into my mouth right after that. we dont go like, four boys one girl what is she doing here? but instead we’re just really glad everyone’s here and we dont have to rush home to sleep and rest because we dont have to compete tomorrow morning and gosh, it’s just downright awesome lah.

im really tired now. im pontening school tomorrow for the sake of this irreplaceable feeling/experience/friendship. school’s blah. okay i really need to sleep now, we’re going to have breakfast wayyyy early tomorrow and i’ve got to be ready.

nights people!

the rest of the pictures can wait…