I have been among the people I missed. I also realized that going away half a year ago, was really a big deal. It meant that I no longer have the advantage of seeing the people I love as much as I’d like to. Going away meant that at most, the tiring once a week returns, or school holidays are always short, not enough and temporary. It’s rather sad.

But c’est la vie. To make up for it, I should turn around, grab my sadness in the neck and replace my emptiness with things I wouldn’t have had the chance to do/experience at home. I’ve actually been quite aware of this theory of mine, it’s just that it really needs time to sink in. I’m more or less readying myself but it’s still a big leap. A red bindle with white polka dots on it, full with patience, time and good night sleep would do me good.

Since I’m not blogging for anyone else but myself, I’d like to apologize to future-me for not blogging as much as I should & want. Alter-ego’s fault.

My fault.

so far, i have accomplished various chores ranging from picking up my laundry to tidying up my lecture notes. i am currently still in the midst of packing my stuff, i realized that i have much more clothes than i thought i have. never mind, one can never have too much clothes. or shoes. or make-up.

jianyee & i went for step up 3D on friday. im glad im starting to feel more and more at home here in subang. if you have been an avid reader of mine, you would have noticed that my blog has a brand new layout with a header that has my mouth wide open on it. i dont have photoshop right now, so regretfully, i cant make it ‘glossy bright red’, it’s bright pink.

a shout-out to eugene & last year’s 同乐会:

happy birthday!

i really salute the people who are around me. i am moody, grouchy, cranky, crazy when i am dutifully being a girl. for the whole day today, yesterday, the day before yesterday, jeannette, michele and candice have been putting up with my expressionless face. poor jeannette, she was relating to me about her life as usual and i nodded that i heard and continued staring at the blank table in front of me. she had to laugh at her own jokes. basically candice just ignored me like she would, and michele just followed candice. but i am still very apologetic about my behavior.

i realized some of the flaws in people that i dont like and i havent been able to deal with it until i just had some reminder by life. i’ve always known that i am too much of a delicate flower with everything nice in my life, i’ve also always wanted to change that. i want to be tough, but i am just not. sometimes when i think i have changed, i would look in disgust at other people whom i think, are spoiled. it has never really occurred to me that i am pretty much no different.

it’s a very sad thing when you have been visiting your own blog yourself and reading what you wrote yourself. but since there are SO many zillions of people on earth, each has their life story, all expressing themselves, i guess i dont really mind people not bothering about what i have to say, because i hardly care what others have to say too and i cant seem to take this blog seriously. it’s just for the fun of it.

i tolerate you because i am your friend, but it gets disturbing listening to you:
1) talk about yourself too much as if no one else existed
2) praise yourself
3) praise yourself of something you think you can achieve, but know nuts about it and have never tried doing it
4) take pride in whatever-it-is you are good at

that’s all.

i have a feeling i do all of the above too sometimes. i have been trying very hard not to. to an extend that i dont talk, it’s all good now.

–

for the first time in a very long time (almost an entire year), i have finally missed my long locks. when it is long enough to cover my insecurities and enchant unknowing people, i shall want to dye it in this color that no one will be able to place their finger on what color it is. “it’s blue” “no, it’s red” “it looks green to me” “it’s yellow!”

i can’t wait.

this is me blogging saying nothing, confusing myself with the purpose of blogging because i dont want to say anything yet i am trying to say something that i do not want to share.

today, actually, for quite some time, i have been thoroughly annoyed by my pettiness of not being able to accept other people’s way of thinking and talking while all the while think and talk in such a way that people cannot stand. i would apologize but being the person i am, i didnt. and as a result, half-sulking here in my room pretending i am alright with everything everyone elses do and say that i do not agree with. it is just an act of course, i will be going to sleep rather soon.

happy merdeka to fellow malaysians and non-malaysians, may our food live a long and healthy life.

i am also rather annoyed at other people’s lack of ability to understand and laugh at my jokes. i very truthfully admit that i have no intention to acknowledge that there might be a possibility that it is my joke that is moldy and sour. i also have a craving for garlic bread.

i dont like people who are too sure of themselves, people who have no qualms of making a decision based on their own predictions, and people who dont care what others think about them. i dont like them because i am not much better myself. i am not sure of myself, have utmost qualms of making any decision, and i care what others think of me. i never want to be a cynic, but i am unavoidably a very bad hypocrite. it is very bad.

this is a picture of the street outside my house. i risked my life standing in the middle of the road just to take this picture for my blog. as you can see, there was a very heavy traffic, i could have been knocked down any second. the color of the plants are also actually not so vibrant, i increased the saturation of the picture by forty just to make it look annoying. like me.

–

this is a picture of my pathetic life.

–

this is a picture of the insides of a tattered, torn-down looking school bus. it is one of my favorite pictures.

–

sometimes, i wish my readers would be more automatic visiting my blog without having me to keep updating it to entertain, but of course, i kid.

… usually mean for those who want or need to turn back around for whatever reasons. usually mean in a negative way. but sometimes in a road trip, a journey, a U-turn is necessary for us to get to our destination.

that’s just how the road’s supposed to be.
that’s just how life’s supposed to be.

–

If you simply have to be somewhere you’d rather not be, don’t make the little time a bad time.

到一个我自己去下载我们常点的中文歌 自己播来听的境界 哈哈

我开始忍不住想家了！

这个月过得很快 根本没有想家到

有一天我发现我的钱莫名的少很多 很懊恼

看看日期 原来月底了 没有发现到

每次计划回家的时候都会忍不住写出来回家了要干嘛

1）吃！！马来新年 我家邻居一定有很多好料等着我们！

2）吃！！跟班上同学去到处够力够力吃！火锅什么都来吧！

3）吃！！！久久才能吃一次的家常便饭 以前还真的是把它们当理所当然的啊 唉～

4）游泳、爬山、骑脚车

5）唱K！

6）找我外婆跟我弟弟去玩

有点受不了了～ 想冲回家！

this morning, i gave up tossing and turning, drifting in and out of sleep, got up and went for a walk. the sky was cloudy, the streets were quiet, the houses were sleeping and save for 7-11, the rest of the shop lots were still closed.

i walked a small circle around half of the streets, the houses looked quite quaint, i’ve never thought about it this way. i would have took some pictures, but i realized that my pictures are no good, i cant sum up the magic in it, it will just look like another picture. and i reckon our imagination would pretty-fy it better.

–

sometimes when i dont feel like being an extrovert/introvert anymore for a while, im always afraid that there will be sirens and red warning lights screaming, ‘imposter!’

im innocent. i just need a break.

i dont know what’s going on, but if anyone could fall sick because of a very happening week, it would be me, i did it. was it because i didnt drink enough water? or because i didnt had dinner last night? or because i ate too much egg sandwiches? that is causing me to feel like my face is fiery hot, my eyes blood-shot, my nose running like tap water and my grammar cacat.

well, had dinner with mich, candice and brendon just now. we’ve decided to make it a weekly thing! im so happy i have a LIFE! whooooo!! hawker food once a week, mindless chatting, lame jokes that even we ourselves cannot stand, how GOOD is life!

i’ll blog again when im feeling better. i have pictures i want to share.

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