as days go by, i find it harder and harder to wake up the next day feeling brand new, inspired and that everything will be alright. maybe that’s because things cannot seem alright when they really are not. why is it i feel that, the older i get, the harder it is to be genuinely happy? how is that i need to force out laughter and smiles at times i should be happy and they appear totally natural? is it because im so good at it, it’s impossible to detect the bits and pieces of me that are crumbling and falling apart?
and there are the days when everything feel so wrong and sad. it’s not pms, everything is the same as it has always been but you just feel so defeated, so unaccomplished and like an ultimate failure. when in truth, you are in no position to break down.
i know life is a gift. but sometimes i find it so tiring to just be alive. all the things that used to matter doesnt anymore. my gawd, i feel so lousy now i think im gonna stop writing and rot away inside before i flood the world with my sorrow.